In this article about focus, the well-known author Daniel Goleman describes our capacity for paying attention as a “mental muscle”. He goes on to explain that meditation and mindfulness can sharpen our ability to focus. The need to multitask and be “productive” can rob us of the experience of enjoying each moment. People who have experienced developmental trauma sometimes live their lives as a problem to be solved. This approach is more about enduring life rather than enjoying it. If we practice mindfulness, a simple task like loading the dishwasher can become more enjoyable. It’s as simple as noticing your breath as you place each plate into the rack.
A Formula For Happiness
The author's formula for happiness includes: faith, family & meaningful work. I incorporate the principles of Positive Psychology into my work with clients. Existential issues are sometimes the underlying cause of depression and anxiety. I am particularly interested in the work of Martin Seligman and Sonja Lyubomirsky, two well respected researchers in the field.
Making Time for Time
In an article entitled “Time Lost and Found” Anne Lamott talks about the challenges we face in making time to be creative and pursue our passion. In this case she is talking about writing, you can substitute whatever passion suits you. Positive Psychology is all about discovering flow, that sense of time standing still when we engage in an activity that satisfies and consumes us. I experience flow when I am cooking seafood risotto in my kitchen. I am in flow when I play ball with my friend’s reluctant Corgi (she is willing to catch the ball but unwilling to bring it back). I am in flow during a session when I feel especially connected to my client.
Flow is about remaining connected with ourselves while getting lost in a pleasant activity. My to-do list puts me into my head (thinking mode) and disconnects me from my true self; I do experience a momentary sense of accomplishment when I check the completed task off the list, but it fades as I move onto the next item. We must make time for time, in order to truly experience our lives.
Re-Learning Our ABCS
Have you ever noticed that sometimes it feels easier to stand up to other people than it is to stand up to ourselves? If a coworker said "you will never get that promotion because you are just not qualified, in fact, I think you are a slacker". You might respond by saying “I am not a slacker, I work really hard and I have the highest customer service ratings in the department." When we engage in negative thinking, we often fail to defend ourselves.
Dr. Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, suggests we first recognize our own thoughts as being pessimistic or negative and then treat those thoughts as if they were being spoken by another person. The technique helps us to separate ourselves from our own negative thinking which is often referred to as "the committee" in 12 Step programs. Dr. Martin Seligman calls this technique the ABCDE model.
A is for adversity, B stands for the beliefs you automatically have when a pessimistic thought occurs, C is for the usual consequences of the belief, D stands for the process of disputing the routine belief and E is for the sense of “energization” that occurs after successfully disputing the belief. Seligman's theory is that by employing the process of disputing the belief after adversity; we can shift our reaction from pessimism and giving up to one of action and good cheer.
Let's take an example- You are on the way home and you notice the "check engine light" has come on in your car (A for adversity). You begin thinking, "it's always $500 when I have to get my car fixed, this is probably a big problem and I am going to go broke." (B for automatic beliefs). Next you start worrying about money and feeling anxious (C for the consequences if the belief). You decide to dispute the belief (D for dispute) “Maybe it is something minor, I will wait and see what the mechanic says”. You calm down a bit and take some deep breaths, maybe you feel a little less anxious (E for the sense of “energization” that occurs after disputing the belief). The next time you catch yourself thinking pessimistic thoughts, try the ABCDE model and see what happens.
Are You Addicted To The Internet?
I am fascinated by our constant need to be occupied or busy; I like to think of it as an overall “addiction to busy” with technology playing a predominant role. Brenee Brown calls it “crazy-busy”. If we are always busy, we don’t have to feel the unpleasant feelings (or pleasant ones) that come up throughout the day; we numb out.
In my prior career, I felt compelled to check my email and phone before, during and after work. After work, my home computer would chime, letting me know I had new messages. I would glance at the screen, intending to answer one or two messages and return to whatever I was doing; before I knew it 30 minutes had passed. I was exhibiting at least one of the symptoms of internet addiction, spending more time online than I had intended. Today I check email several times a day and no longer use alerts on my home computer.
Dr. Kimberly Young is a pioneer in the field of Internet Addiction. She conducted the first study on Internet addiction in 1996, the subjects in her study met the same criteria as individuals who were classified as pathological gamblers. Gambling occurs in an environment where there is intermittent reinforcement. When people gamble, there is a pleasurable charge which occurs intermittently; it’s called a “variable reinforcement schedule”.
A variable reinforcement schedule exists when we use the internet. Dr. Young talks about the pleasure people receive when clicking and finding content on the internet, viewing a text on the phone, reaching a high score in a challenging game, finding pornography, searching for content on Facebook, etc. The variety and intermittent timing of these “hits” is what makes the internet so addictive.
Internet addiction is difficult to define. David Greenfield (1999) uses a number of terms including: Internet addiction disorder, pathological internet use, digital media compulsion, and virtual addiction. Digital media compulsion encompasses a wide array of devices such as smart phones, laptops, MP3 players and portable games.
Dr. Young developed the first screening measure for diagnosing Internet Addiction, the Internet Addiction Diagnostic Questionnaire (IADQ). The IADQ consists of the eight questions listed below
- Do you feel preoccupied with the Internet, (think about previous online activity or anticipate the next online session)?
- Do you feel the need to use the Internet with increasing amounts of time in order to achieve satisfaction?
- Have you repeatedly made unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop Internet use?
- Do you feel restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop internet use?
- Do you stay online longer than originally intended?
- Have you jeopardized or risked the loss of a significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of the Internet?
- Have you lied to family members, therapists, or others to conceal the extent of involvement with the Internet?
- Do you use the Internet as a way of escaping from problems or of relieving a dysphoric mood (e.g., feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)?
If you answered yes to 4 or 5 of the questions, you may want to examine your internet/technology usage. I have decided I would like to create a little more space between me and my technology. For more information see Dr. Young’s website http://netaddiction.com/.