It's a rare rainy day in Southern California and I am making soup while listening to some of the talks from the Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco. Pico Iyer is a British novelist who explores the "art of stillness". Stillness and space are the antidote to our society's "addiction to busy". It is in the stillness that I experience creative thoughts and dreams. We can change our lives by making room for that still, small voice within. Here is the link to Pico Iyer's talk at Wisdom 2.0. http://new.livestream.com/accounts/2635433/events/3845334/videos/78657125
Mindful Driving
I have always loved cars, I enjoy car design, speed and safety. In the early 80s, I honed my driving skills in Manhattan among the cabbies, delivering manuscripts for my mother. Several years ago my brother gave me a birthday gift of a day at the track with a professional race car driver; I was in heaven as my little car flew around the turns at high speeds. This was a safe place to enjoy my need for speed! As I have gotten older, I have become more safety conscious (and I want to maintain my clean driving record). One of my pet peeves is when I see people driving and texting. I notice drivers on their cell phones weaving in and out of lanes on the freeway at night when I am returning from work.
A few weeks ago my friend Cindy mentioned a piece she heard on NPR. The author, Matt Richtel, wrote a book entitled, “A Deadly Wandering: A Tale of Tragedy and Redemption in the Age of Attention”, about a young man named Reggie Shaw who hit and killed two people in 2006 while texting and driving. Shaw’s case was one of the first to address the dangers of distracted driving. Richtel explains the way technology can put “pressure” on the brain to respond. He compares the ringtones of our cell phones with being tapped on the shoulder while you are driving. It is nearly impossible for us to ignore being tapped on the shoulder and keep our attention focused on what is in front of us. The prefrontal cortex is the area of the brain responsible for emotions, processing complex thoughts and emotions. When our phone alerts us to a text or call the prefrontal cortex hijacks (taps) the part of the brain that is focused on driving.
Shortly after listening to Richtel’s piece; a colleague of mine shared that she does not use her cell phone in the car. Just to be clear, she does not talk on her cell phone (or text) while driving. I told her how busy I was and that I usually return calls on my way to work (using my headset) and on my way home. My colleague asked me if I would be able to live with myself if I injured someone as a result of distracted driving; she said she pulls over if she needs to make a call. When the universe provides me with more than one hint I try to pay attention.
Listening to Richtel’s piece on NPR helped me get honest about my own concerns about driving while talking on a cell phone, even while using ear buds. I have never sent a text while driving as I can barely see the phone. However, I have had several near misses when talking on the phone (hands free). As someone who encourages my clients to practice mindfulness, can I really defend the practice of driving while my mind is elsewhere? Am I really paying attention to the conversation as I dart in and out of traffic trying to make my way to the office? Would I be able to drive defensively if another driver was not paying attention?
I decided to try an experiment. I shut my phone off before getting in the car and leave it off until I arrive at my destination. The experiment has lasted a few months now and I am enjoying the mindful ride. After a few months, I purchased a new car with the latest handsfree/bluetooth technology. I must admit that I have been answering the phone from time to time. However, I have significantly cut down on the number of calls I make from the car. To learn more about distracted driving, check out the link to the Diane Rehm show on NPR below. I wish you a safe and mindful ride.
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2014-09-25/matt-richtel-deadly-wandering
Tara Brach- The trance of addictive doing
In this video Tara Brach (psychotherapist and meditation teacher) shares about our society’s preoccupation with doing as opposed to being. I often write about our “addiction to busy”. Tara Brach calls it the “trance of addictive doing”. When I was part of the corporate world, I over-used technology and “overall business”. My life is very different today. Each week I set aside at least one day to pause and rest. I do not work or make a bunch of plans for the day, I let it unfold. My daily meditation practice helps me slow down and enjoy each moment; I am committed to living my life more fully each day.
Bringing Awareness to Doing (08/20/2014) - One of the core domains of egoic trance is addictive doing - chronic activity driven by fear and wanting that keeps us from realizing a wholeness of Being. This talk looks at how addictive doing keeps us in the map of time, identified as a separate self, always on our way somewhere else.
No Time To Think
I recently read an article in the New York Times entitled "No Time To Think". The author shares some interesting insights into our addiction to staying busy. I encourage my clients to schedule "no-plan" days. One client calls it her "Soul Sunday". I am a big believer in taking a break from our devices, or at least checking them less frequently. I notice my most creative thoughts come when I am running (without music) or just hanging out on my front porch. If you are one of the "super busy" this article is for you.
Using ACT To Deal With Stinking Thinking
Sometimes my clients ask me how they can get their minds to quiet down. I am a big fan of mindfulness and meditation. I recommend starting with 5 minutes of silent meditation in the morning. Some people think that if they meditate “properly”, they will have a “blank mind”. As a longtime meditator, I am here to report that I have never experienced a “blank mind” and I still have “stinking thinking” on a regular basis.
I have experimented with all kinds of ways to deal with stinking thinking, here are some of them: reading the book “The Secret” (I felt like a failure when all my positive thinking failed to bring a Porsche into my life, this lead to even more stinking thinking), trying not to think about what is bothering me (only made me think about it more- try not thinking about a pink bird and you will be surrounded by pink birds ), chanting (works great and very uplifting but the thinking came right back) yoga (this is one of my favorite pastimes and I experience lots of benefits from my yoga practice, (sometimes I have stinking thinking in the middle of yoga class, especially when the entire class is doing a pose that I cannot manage with my tight runner’s hamstrings), meditation (works well and calms me down like nothing else, but thinking still occurs!). I could continue my list, but I think you get the point.
I recently attended a training on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy otherwise known as ACT. The therapy combines mindfulness and behavioral interventions. It differs from other therapies in that it does not attempt to reduce symptoms like stinking thinking; however, symptom reduction is often a byproduct of the therapy. The goal of ACT is to create a rich and meaningful life while experiencing the pain and discomfort which is an inevitable part of life. There are two main assumptions underlying ACT’s interventions. The first is to learn how to develop acceptance of unpleasant experiences which are out of our personal control. The second is making a commitment and taking actions which support having a rich and meaningful life. So if I treat my stinking thinking using ACT, my first step is to give up trying to stop my stinking thinking (allowing it as opposed to trying to eliminate it). The next step is to learn how to accept it or be with it when it happens.
There are six core principles of ACT: The first is Contacting The Present Moment, which simply means being present in the moment. The second is Defusion, which I will be talking about I greater detail. The third core principle is Acceptance, which means allowing ourselves to be open to all our feelings, sensations and thoughts as they come up without struggling with them. The fourth core principle is Self-as-Context which is similar to the Observer Self, from the meditation world. The fifth core principle is Values, which in ACT terms means deciding what we want to stand for in life. The sixth core principle is Committed Action, which simply means taking actions that are based on our values.
I am going to focus on the principle of defusion. Defusion is the practice of learning how to avoid becoming “fused” with our thoughts. In ACT fusion is defined as when our thoughts and whatever we are thinking about become fused together in our minds. I like to think about it as becoming overly attached to my thoughts, which leads to “stinking thinking”. ACT refers to our thoughts as “stories” so another way to explain defusion is the story and the event become “fused” or stuck together. We start believing that what our thoughts are telling us is the absolute truth.
One way to understand this is that certain magazines and newspapers are known to be somewhat biased, especially some of the tabloids. So my thinking is often similar to a story from The National Enquirer and somehow I believe that the tabloid reporter (Me!) is telling the truth. I have a choice in how I respond to the stories that are in the tabloids. ACT differs from CBT in that it does not recommend substituting a positive thought for a negative one or practicing “Thought-stopping” two very effective techniques that do work for some people; instead ACT recommends learning how to experience are feelings and change our response to our thinking.
One important principle of defusion is to refrain from asking ourselves whether a thought is true and instead to focus on whether a thought is helpful. If we pay attention to a particular thought is it going to help us to create the kind of life that we desire? If I notice myself drifting off into worry I can stop and gently say “Is this thought helpful?” There are many ways to practice defusion, here are two of my favorites-
I AM HAVING THE THOUGHT THAT
Pick a troubling thought that you have on a regular basis, a good example might be “I am not good enough.” Be sure to pick one that really works for you. Often when I am out running and I see other younger runners flying by me I think “I am too slow”
Now insert the following words in front of your thought “I am having the thought that…I am too slow”. Practice the new thought a few times in your mind. “I am having the thought that I am too slow”.
Often after practicing this technique people notice some distance between themselves and the thought. You might try practicing this technique each time the thought comes up and see what happens. You can practice this anytime you catch yourself thinking unhelpful thoughts.
NAMING OUR THOUGHTS AS STORIES
To continue with the “I am too slow” thought, another popular version is the “I am too old story”. In this story I am too old and certainly too slow to be running and I should feel embarrassed to be seen running outside in a neighborhood where so many younger, faster runners are passing me by. Often there are different versions of the same story, I think you get the idea.
Name your thought as a story- “The I am too old story”
When the thought comes into your mind (usually for me this happens early in my run before the endorphins have kicked in) simply acknowledge it- “Oh there it is, the I am too old story” or “I know this one it is the I am too old story” or maybe you like “My favorite story- the I am too old story”. Use whatever words feel authentic to you.
Once you have acknowledged the story, there is no action to take, just let the story come and go and continue on with what you were doing. In my case, just keep running.
So the next time your mind starts engaging in “stinking thinking” try one of these techniques and see if you find it helpful. I recommend Dr. Russ Harris’ website f you would like to learn more about Acceptance and Commitment therapy. http://www.actmindfully.com.au/